BIBLE, see PRESERVATION, INSPERATIION
BITTERNESS
Bitterness is a big problem that many people have, including Christians. Someone has taken advantage of another, defrauded another, hurt his neighbor or family, etc. The offense is then repeated in the mind of the offended person till it becomes bitterness, and all too often it begins to control him. In many cases, the offense was real, not imaginary, and may have been intentional, and in such a case there is no point trying to pretend “They didn’t mean it” or “It doesn’t bother me.” Maybe they did mean it to hurt, but my forgiveness cannot be based upon them and their motive, but on my relationship to my Savior; otherwise I may be upset with them the rest of my life. It has been said we were not made to carry around bitterness; it can ultimately destroy our health and even harm the ones we love. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). The “root of bitterness” must be pulled out, or it will yield bad fruit in our lives and the lives of those around us: “thereby many be defiled.”
God tells us how to deal with this. “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew 18:15). We are to “go and tell him”--not tell others, but tell the one who upset you. Some respond, “I could not do that.” Yes you can; Jesus Christ told us to. But it takes love and courage to do this, and it is easier to talk about them behind their back. Going to the person “alone” (not with your army of friends who agree with you, or in front of others, which would only embarrass the person), accomplishes several things. First it gets it off our chest so we do not have to carry it around inside of us and let it boil over. How we share with them, of course, makes the difference between them receiving it or not. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1), as we also make mistakes and offend others. Tell them the same way you would want them to tell you your faults. “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matthew 7:12). Sometimes it is better to wait a day if we are upset, and if the problem is big enough, it would be wise to fast, and we should always seek the Lord’s help in prayer. A simple question to the person who has offended you often is enough to help the situation, such as, “Why did you do that?” In many situations, this will help both you and the person who did the offense. He will realize what he did, and usually he will be more careful in the future to not do it again. Even if it is not received, at least you have gotten it out of your heart and you have obeyed the Bible, which Jesus Christ will bless. And if you have offended the person, you will need to ask his or her forgiveness. This has never been easy, but the one who does it will definitely feel better afterward.
While in Bible College, I was attending a church where I worked on the grounds and cleaned up after services. But there was a certain job I desired and thought I should have gotten it. But when a new person who had only arrived at the church a few weeks before was given this job, it bothered me. What was more, the person who got this job looked down on me, thinking he was better than me. This hurt my pride. But God is more concerned with how we respond to these situations. He is testing us; He is preparing us. I am ashamed to admit it, but twice I had a dream of fighting this person. Even as a lost person, I never had such a dream. The first time I dreamed this, I told the Lord after I awoke that I was sorry, but the second time I did not even want to pray about it. I felt like the Lord wanted me to go and ask this brother’s forgiveness. With this conviction on my heart, I said out loud, “Lord, I could never do that.” But God said in my heart, Yes, you can. I responded, “Yes, but I don’t want to.” At least I was now telling the truth; it was not that I could not, but that I would not. I thought, OK, I will go and be this guy’s doormat.
The next day, without meaning to, I got in an argument with him. When he walked away, I remembered that I had told the Lord I would ask this man’s forgiveness for being so upset with him. So I walked up to him and said I needed to talk to him, and we went behind the church building. I said, “You probably know I don’t like you, don’t you?” An “interesting” way to start a conversation, but that’s how it came out.
He thought I wanted to fight him, and he put his fists up, but I said, “I don’t want to fight you, but ask your forgiveness for being upset with you.” We talked for a while, and I even cried (embarrassing), but when it happened, it was like a stick that broke, and all at once my anger left me. I have had other times when it has taken a while for something that was bothering me to leave me, but that time it was immediate. I felt soooooooo good.
Later that night, we had a church service, and I saw him walking down the center aisle toward me. I turned to go in another direction, but I stopped and asked myself why I was doing this. Before this, I had been unconsciously avoiding him—if he sat on the right side, I sat on the left, or if he went to a one room, I went to another. Without realizing it, I had been controlled by my anger. But I was no longer upset at him, and in fact, I felt great. I turned back around and walked right up to him and shook his hand and asked him how he was doing. I was no longer upset, and he knew it.
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). This is a powerful verse. But because it is the exact opposite of our natural reaction, not many will do it. Again “pray for” your enemy—not that he will be punished but that he will repent of what he has done. This seems to be one of the prayers God answers the quickest. But some people do not want their enemies to repent; they like being upset with them. Has God not been good to you? Do you not know “that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?” (Romans 2:4). We do not have to be like the world: “That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). And if we “do good” to our enemies, like giving a small gift, it can change a bad situation immediately. Someone will say, “But it won’t be received.” So what? You are obeying the Bible, and God will bless you. There are those who have given a small gift, or even a stick of gum, to their enemy, and things turned around overnight.
There are people who will never ask forgiveness for what they have done, and in some situations may not be aware they have offended you. They may even have died already. But God likes mercy (Matthew 6:12–15; 18:21–35).
The problem I had with that man that I wrote about above was small, but there are people who have had real problems. When my wife was a teenager, she and her sisters, every weekend for three years, slept in either a cornfield or a park because their dad would come home drunk on Friday evening after work and stay that way until Sunday afternoon. She said there were people at the park who were mean to them. But the first thing she thought of after she was saved at 16 years of age was, “I can’t love God and hate my dad at the same time.” She then asked the Lord to take away her hard heart—He did.
One of the reasons I was attracted to my wife was because she was not angry at anyone. I have even been upset with her because she would not get upset with others when they said something to her I considered rude. But she would laugh and say, “Oh, that’s nothing.”
Some have been violated, abused, had all their life savings stolen, and they are not bitter. It is astounding that some elderly persons are so sweet, while others are so bitter. What do you think? Did the one who is sweet only have good things happen to him, and the one who is bitter only have bad things happen? No. In fact, it is often the opposite. And I do not want to be bitter when I am old. Colossians 3:12–14: “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness” (see THOUGHT LIFE).
BITTERNESS
Bitterness is a big problem that many people have, including Christians. Someone has taken advantage of another, defrauded another, hurt his neighbor or family, etc. The offense is then repeated in the mind of the offended person till it becomes bitterness, and all too often it begins to control him. In many cases, the offense was real, not imaginary, and may have been intentional, and in such a case there is no point trying to pretend “They didn’t mean it” or “It doesn’t bother me.” Maybe they did mean it to hurt, but my forgiveness cannot be based upon them and their motive, but on my relationship to my Savior; otherwise I may be upset with them the rest of my life. It has been said we were not made to carry around bitterness; it can ultimately destroy our health and even harm the ones we love. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). The “root of bitterness” must be pulled out, or it will yield bad fruit in our lives and the lives of those around us: “thereby many be defiled.”
God tells us how to deal with this. “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew 18:15). We are to “go and tell him”--not tell others, but tell the one who upset you. Some respond, “I could not do that.” Yes you can; Jesus Christ told us to. But it takes love and courage to do this, and it is easier to talk about them behind their back. Going to the person “alone” (not with your army of friends who agree with you, or in front of others, which would only embarrass the person), accomplishes several things. First it gets it off our chest so we do not have to carry it around inside of us and let it boil over. How we share with them, of course, makes the difference between them receiving it or not. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1), as we also make mistakes and offend others. Tell them the same way you would want them to tell you your faults. “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matthew 7:12). Sometimes it is better to wait a day if we are upset, and if the problem is big enough, it would be wise to fast, and we should always seek the Lord’s help in prayer. A simple question to the person who has offended you often is enough to help the situation, such as, “Why did you do that?” In many situations, this will help both you and the person who did the offense. He will realize what he did, and usually he will be more careful in the future to not do it again. Even if it is not received, at least you have gotten it out of your heart and you have obeyed the Bible, which Jesus Christ will bless. And if you have offended the person, you will need to ask his or her forgiveness. This has never been easy, but the one who does it will definitely feel better afterward.
While in Bible College, I was attending a church where I worked on the grounds and cleaned up after services. But there was a certain job I desired and thought I should have gotten it. But when a new person who had only arrived at the church a few weeks before was given this job, it bothered me. What was more, the person who got this job looked down on me, thinking he was better than me. This hurt my pride. But God is more concerned with how we respond to these situations. He is testing us; He is preparing us. I am ashamed to admit it, but twice I had a dream of fighting this person. Even as a lost person, I never had such a dream. The first time I dreamed this, I told the Lord after I awoke that I was sorry, but the second time I did not even want to pray about it. I felt like the Lord wanted me to go and ask this brother’s forgiveness. With this conviction on my heart, I said out loud, “Lord, I could never do that.” But God said in my heart, Yes, you can. I responded, “Yes, but I don’t want to.” At least I was now telling the truth; it was not that I could not, but that I would not. I thought, OK, I will go and be this guy’s doormat.
The next day, without meaning to, I got in an argument with him. When he walked away, I remembered that I had told the Lord I would ask this man’s forgiveness for being so upset with him. So I walked up to him and said I needed to talk to him, and we went behind the church building. I said, “You probably know I don’t like you, don’t you?” An “interesting” way to start a conversation, but that’s how it came out.
He thought I wanted to fight him, and he put his fists up, but I said, “I don’t want to fight you, but ask your forgiveness for being upset with you.” We talked for a while, and I even cried (embarrassing), but when it happened, it was like a stick that broke, and all at once my anger left me. I have had other times when it has taken a while for something that was bothering me to leave me, but that time it was immediate. I felt soooooooo good.
Later that night, we had a church service, and I saw him walking down the center aisle toward me. I turned to go in another direction, but I stopped and asked myself why I was doing this. Before this, I had been unconsciously avoiding him—if he sat on the right side, I sat on the left, or if he went to a one room, I went to another. Without realizing it, I had been controlled by my anger. But I was no longer upset at him, and in fact, I felt great. I turned back around and walked right up to him and shook his hand and asked him how he was doing. I was no longer upset, and he knew it.
“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). This is a powerful verse. But because it is the exact opposite of our natural reaction, not many will do it. Again “pray for” your enemy—not that he will be punished but that he will repent of what he has done. This seems to be one of the prayers God answers the quickest. But some people do not want their enemies to repent; they like being upset with them. Has God not been good to you? Do you not know “that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?” (Romans 2:4). We do not have to be like the world: “That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). And if we “do good” to our enemies, like giving a small gift, it can change a bad situation immediately. Someone will say, “But it won’t be received.” So what? You are obeying the Bible, and God will bless you. There are those who have given a small gift, or even a stick of gum, to their enemy, and things turned around overnight.
There are people who will never ask forgiveness for what they have done, and in some situations may not be aware they have offended you. They may even have died already. But God likes mercy (Matthew 6:12–15; 18:21–35).
The problem I had with that man that I wrote about above was small, but there are people who have had real problems. When my wife was a teenager, she and her sisters, every weekend for three years, slept in either a cornfield or a park because their dad would come home drunk on Friday evening after work and stay that way until Sunday afternoon. She said there were people at the park who were mean to them. But the first thing she thought of after she was saved at 16 years of age was, “I can’t love God and hate my dad at the same time.” She then asked the Lord to take away her hard heart—He did.
One of the reasons I was attracted to my wife was because she was not angry at anyone. I have even been upset with her because she would not get upset with others when they said something to her I considered rude. But she would laugh and say, “Oh, that’s nothing.”
Some have been violated, abused, had all their life savings stolen, and they are not bitter. It is astounding that some elderly persons are so sweet, while others are so bitter. What do you think? Did the one who is sweet only have good things happen to him, and the one who is bitter only have bad things happen? No. In fact, it is often the opposite. And I do not want to be bitter when I am old. Colossians 3:12–14: “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness” (see THOUGHT LIFE).
