DISAPPOINTMENT
When things do not turn out the way we planned for our lives, when we have financial reversals, unexpected problems, our goals are not reached, or when those we love forsake us, disappointment and discouragement can creep in. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God” (Psalm 43:5). “Hope” means things will get better, and you simply look to God for this to happen, and He can see when we do this in our hearts (see HOPE).
Some years ago when I was back in the States on furlough, a problem came up on the mission field that I could not resolve till I went back to Romania. It greatly bothered me, and I lost all my joy and walked around for two days with a long face. I read the verse I just quoted above and I thought, “But I have a problem.” Yet it was God’s Word, and I knew I should be obeying the Bible, so I simply hoped in God that He would do something. And in just a few minutes, I had joy and was smiling, but the thought came back again, “You still have a problem,” and the joy left. I then realized I had obeyed God for a few minutes and was happy, but then took my eyes off of the Lord and was sad. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me, and said if He would give me back that joy I had, that I would not dwell on the problem, but be happy in Him. It took a few minutes, but the joy came back and I kept the problem out of my thoughts. A few months after this, I went back to the mission field and the problem was still there, but it was resolved. I am not teaching we should ignore the basic steps we need to take to get ourselves out of problems, but in this case there was not much I could do till I got back in another country. The difference was that by “hope” in God, I was happy all the rest of my furlough instead of being upset.
See video by author, Overcoming Problems,
http://www.truechristianshortstoriesfreebygmmatheny.com/overcoming-problems-video.html.
See also HARD TIMES; see PROBLEMS.
DIVORCE
God loves divorced people. The woman at the well had been divorced five times, but He won her to Him: “For thou hast had five husbands” (John 4:18–26). But God hates divorce: “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away” (Malachi 2:14–16).
There is a large number of people today who are divorced, both outside and inside the church. Not only do these adults often carry around wounds from their former marriages, but so do their children who have been hurt by their parents’ divorces. Often a child of a divorced parent will think it is somehow his or her fault, and they need to be told it is not their fault. Many children dream of getting their parents back together again. Some children are used as pawns. The parents will send messages or phone calls through their child to their former spouse. This includes arguing, using their child to complain about alimony, lack of their child’s lunch money or discipline etc. If this needs to be addressed then contact the former spouse directly but do not use your child in such a way.
“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5–6; see also Mark 10:2–12, Luke 16:18 and 1 Corinthians 7:10–11). Plywood is made by laminating or gluing pieces of wood, so they can be “joined together” and then they “shall be one,” but to divide them (“put asunder”), will end up ripping pieces off both sides with a mess left over. Similarly, those who have gone through a divorce have had their hearts ripped apart. Divorce is not an escape from a bad marriage or a fleeting temptation, but rather can have lasting effects. And the children from the previous marriage often have a difficult time accepting their new mom or dad. (In such a situation, the new parent should frankly talk to the child and tell him or her, “I will never take the place of your biological father, or mother, but will try to be a good parent for you.”)
Jesus was asked in Matthew 19:7, “Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?” Christ then answered, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:8–9; “fornication” in this verse could also include the time of engagement, see Matthew 1:18–19). Divorce was allowed “because of the hardness” of man’s heart; people will not forgive. “But from the beginning it was not” God’s will. God only allowed it, but would rather have husband and wife reconcile.
Men and women have said, “I will never forgive you.” But why stay bitter the rest of your life? Some people run from one relationship to another, always chasing rainbows without finding happiness. I have heard many “horror stories” about spouses who were drunks and abusive, and after listening to this I could understand why the other person would leave. But I would not be a good servant of God if I did not tell you that others, in just as bad of situations, by the grace of God, fought for their marriages and God turned them around. If a husband is beating, or threatening the life of his wife, there is another possibility besides divorce. And that is to remain separated—but not to divorce—until reconciliation can come about. “Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10–11).
“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him” (1 Corinthians 7:12–13). God does not allow divorce because one partner is lost and the other saved. Where Paul said, “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord.” This means Paul did not hear this directly from the Lord but Paul’s writing in the Scriptures were said to be of the Lord, inspired by God (1 Corinthians 14:37).
The above passage goes on to say, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:14–15). Where it said, “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.” It appears from this passage that desertion is a cause for divorce, though the marriage vow (which follows) still needs to be taken into consideration.
The marriage vow says, “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” The Bible says, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). When we make our vows in marriage, God expects us to keep our word (Ecclesiastes 5:4–6). If a marriage partner leaves through divorce, he or she may get remarried to their former spouse again, but not if they have remarried to another after their divorce (see Deuteronomy 24:4).
On more than one occasion, I have known couples who have come to God’s house seeking help, only to leave the church after things get better. The thought was, “Everything is OK now,” but then shortly thereafter one of them will leave because they see no lasting change. Make a decision to stay faithful to God and His church, even if God never gives you what you want. Do not assume your spouse knows there is a problem in your marriage, but share with each other your concerns (when you are “alone,” Matthew 18:15) and do not ignore the problem. Learn how to communicate a problem without being offensive. Explain to your spouse what you see as the problem, the same way you would want someone else to explain to you. “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1; see also 25:15). To remind your spouse of their faults, especially when they have already repented of them, will only bring harm. “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends” (Proverbs 17:9). Forgiveness, love, kind words, and understanding go a long way in healing a marriage. Find a good church, serve the Lord together and receive counseling from the pastor.
It has been said that a good marriage is like a triangle with Christ at the top, and the man and the woman at opposite ends at the bottom of the triangle. The closer we get to God at the top of this triangle, the closer we will find ourselves to each other. Christ worked His first miracle at a wedding. This is found in John 2:2–11, and the reason Christ came to the wedding was because He was invited to it. If both married partners will invite Christ into their marriage, He can put the pieces back together better than they were at the first. The miracle that He worked was taking the everyday water and turning it into something sweet, new wine.
When things do not turn out the way we planned for our lives, when we have financial reversals, unexpected problems, our goals are not reached, or when those we love forsake us, disappointment and discouragement can creep in. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God” (Psalm 43:5). “Hope” means things will get better, and you simply look to God for this to happen, and He can see when we do this in our hearts (see HOPE).
Some years ago when I was back in the States on furlough, a problem came up on the mission field that I could not resolve till I went back to Romania. It greatly bothered me, and I lost all my joy and walked around for two days with a long face. I read the verse I just quoted above and I thought, “But I have a problem.” Yet it was God’s Word, and I knew I should be obeying the Bible, so I simply hoped in God that He would do something. And in just a few minutes, I had joy and was smiling, but the thought came back again, “You still have a problem,” and the joy left. I then realized I had obeyed God for a few minutes and was happy, but then took my eyes off of the Lord and was sad. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me, and said if He would give me back that joy I had, that I would not dwell on the problem, but be happy in Him. It took a few minutes, but the joy came back and I kept the problem out of my thoughts. A few months after this, I went back to the mission field and the problem was still there, but it was resolved. I am not teaching we should ignore the basic steps we need to take to get ourselves out of problems, but in this case there was not much I could do till I got back in another country. The difference was that by “hope” in God, I was happy all the rest of my furlough instead of being upset.
See video by author, Overcoming Problems,
http://www.truechristianshortstoriesfreebygmmatheny.com/overcoming-problems-video.html.
See also HARD TIMES; see PROBLEMS.
DIVORCE
God loves divorced people. The woman at the well had been divorced five times, but He won her to Him: “For thou hast had five husbands” (John 4:18–26). But God hates divorce: “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away” (Malachi 2:14–16).
There is a large number of people today who are divorced, both outside and inside the church. Not only do these adults often carry around wounds from their former marriages, but so do their children who have been hurt by their parents’ divorces. Often a child of a divorced parent will think it is somehow his or her fault, and they need to be told it is not their fault. Many children dream of getting their parents back together again. Some children are used as pawns. The parents will send messages or phone calls through their child to their former spouse. This includes arguing, using their child to complain about alimony, lack of their child’s lunch money or discipline etc. If this needs to be addressed then contact the former spouse directly but do not use your child in such a way.
“And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5–6; see also Mark 10:2–12, Luke 16:18 and 1 Corinthians 7:10–11). Plywood is made by laminating or gluing pieces of wood, so they can be “joined together” and then they “shall be one,” but to divide them (“put asunder”), will end up ripping pieces off both sides with a mess left over. Similarly, those who have gone through a divorce have had their hearts ripped apart. Divorce is not an escape from a bad marriage or a fleeting temptation, but rather can have lasting effects. And the children from the previous marriage often have a difficult time accepting their new mom or dad. (In such a situation, the new parent should frankly talk to the child and tell him or her, “I will never take the place of your biological father, or mother, but will try to be a good parent for you.”)
Jesus was asked in Matthew 19:7, “Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?” Christ then answered, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:8–9; “fornication” in this verse could also include the time of engagement, see Matthew 1:18–19). Divorce was allowed “because of the hardness” of man’s heart; people will not forgive. “But from the beginning it was not” God’s will. God only allowed it, but would rather have husband and wife reconcile.
Men and women have said, “I will never forgive you.” But why stay bitter the rest of your life? Some people run from one relationship to another, always chasing rainbows without finding happiness. I have heard many “horror stories” about spouses who were drunks and abusive, and after listening to this I could understand why the other person would leave. But I would not be a good servant of God if I did not tell you that others, in just as bad of situations, by the grace of God, fought for their marriages and God turned them around. If a husband is beating, or threatening the life of his wife, there is another possibility besides divorce. And that is to remain separated—but not to divorce—until reconciliation can come about. “Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10–11).
“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him” (1 Corinthians 7:12–13). God does not allow divorce because one partner is lost and the other saved. Where Paul said, “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord.” This means Paul did not hear this directly from the Lord but Paul’s writing in the Scriptures were said to be of the Lord, inspired by God (1 Corinthians 14:37).
The above passage goes on to say, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:14–15). Where it said, “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.” It appears from this passage that desertion is a cause for divorce, though the marriage vow (which follows) still needs to be taken into consideration.
The marriage vow says, “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” The Bible says, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39). When we make our vows in marriage, God expects us to keep our word (Ecclesiastes 5:4–6). If a marriage partner leaves through divorce, he or she may get remarried to their former spouse again, but not if they have remarried to another after their divorce (see Deuteronomy 24:4).
On more than one occasion, I have known couples who have come to God’s house seeking help, only to leave the church after things get better. The thought was, “Everything is OK now,” but then shortly thereafter one of them will leave because they see no lasting change. Make a decision to stay faithful to God and His church, even if God never gives you what you want. Do not assume your spouse knows there is a problem in your marriage, but share with each other your concerns (when you are “alone,” Matthew 18:15) and do not ignore the problem. Learn how to communicate a problem without being offensive. Explain to your spouse what you see as the problem, the same way you would want someone else to explain to you. “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1; see also 25:15). To remind your spouse of their faults, especially when they have already repented of them, will only bring harm. “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends” (Proverbs 17:9). Forgiveness, love, kind words, and understanding go a long way in healing a marriage. Find a good church, serve the Lord together and receive counseling from the pastor.
It has been said that a good marriage is like a triangle with Christ at the top, and the man and the woman at opposite ends at the bottom of the triangle. The closer we get to God at the top of this triangle, the closer we will find ourselves to each other. Christ worked His first miracle at a wedding. This is found in John 2:2–11, and the reason Christ came to the wedding was because He was invited to it. If both married partners will invite Christ into their marriage, He can put the pieces back together better than they were at the first. The miracle that He worked was taking the everyday water and turning it into something sweet, new wine.
